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A TRIBUTE TO VOMIT & DIARRHEA



Sick White Man Resting His Head On The Toilet Bowl After Puking

 
I know, I know. I’ve been MIA. Let’s just say that I’ve been up to my elbows in vomit and diarrhea since Friday. A stomach bug swept through my family like a tornado of diced carrots and smelly brown soup. I had my head and rear end in the toilet for two days and the queasy feeling in my stomach is lingering.
 
Now that I’m no longer moaning, groaning and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to look at the experience from the perspective of a writer.
 
Synonyms for vomit:
            barf
            vomit
            kotch
            spew
            upchuck
            heave
            urp
            shoot/ toss (cookies)
            retch   
            keck
 
Synonyms for poop:
            crap
            scat
            sh*t
            stool
            ordure
            night soil
            jakes
            ca-ca (this one is actually in the thesaurus!)
            turd
           dingleberry
           manure
           dung
           cow flops, pats, or chips
           coprolite
 
Metaphor and humor: 
          I spent the day on the big white telephone placing a long distance call to Ralph.
 
Poetry (a rhyme from my youth):
                        Diarrhea!
Diarrhea!
                        Shoots from your bum like a bullet from a gun.
                        Diarrhea!
Diarrhea!
 
 Yes, I have a somewhat sick sense of humor and it’s my philosophy find the humor in even the crappiest of situations. Yes, my inner child is stuck in the anal phase. Feel free to spew your own synonyms and poetry.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
angeladegroot
Aug. 29th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC)
That's me - weirdly creative! Cleaning up someone else's vomit is also a pretty low experience.
angeladegroot
Aug. 29th, 2008 02:43 am (UTC)
Your blog
I've been printing out your journal entries and reading them on the train. That way I keep up. Unfortunately, it makes leaving comments a wee bit problematic. I'll address this.
(Deleted comment)
kellyrfineman
Aug. 29th, 2008 12:32 am (UTC)
Technically, a dingleberry is a bit of poop that is left hanging after the act of pooping is over. And for a rather evocative phrase for diarrhea, there's always "the Hershey squirts."
angeladegroot
Aug. 29th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
Hershey squirts - now I'm even more Hershey Park unhappy!

I'm afraid to ask - which am I? The witty fool or the foolish wit? Did you like the poem? I think it's a good one for Poetry Friday. There are more verses, I just don't remember them.
kellyrfineman
Aug. 29th, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC)
You are clearly the witty fool. The line comes from Twelfth Night (I think), in which the "fool" is actually a quite wise counsellor in some places.

The poem was good. I know a different diarrhea song/poem,

Diarrhea * *
Diarrhea * *
Some people think it's funny
but it's really brown and runny
Diarrhea * *

The * marks the place where one makes an inappropriate squirting sound.
cedunkley
Sep. 9th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
The comedian, Dom Irrera, has a whole stand up bit about all of the different names for going to the bathroom.

As for a saying referencing vomiting: Praying to the porcelain god was always a favorite of mine.

angeladegroot
Sep. 9th, 2008 12:42 pm (UTC)
Billy Connolly also has a great bit about throwing up. Hysterically funny. Something about there always being diced carrots in there somewhere, even if you haven't ever eaten any.

Thanks for visiting. I'm off to visit you now. Put the kettle on and let's have tea.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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